Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
