I want to make a zoo with you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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