i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
