How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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