This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
