just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize