I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
