how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize