What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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