You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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