It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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