My vagina just recognized that song.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
