You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
