Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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