I love black thongs
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
