I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
