You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
