Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
