maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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