i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
