Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize