Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
