Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
