I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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