actually, I'm a sock model
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
