either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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