sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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