i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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