I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
