Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
