The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
