she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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