We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
