I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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