I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
