Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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