Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
