Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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