ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
