shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
