Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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