She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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