i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
