I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
