You're completely useless in the revolution.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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