it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
