Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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