wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you traded sex for a burrito?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
