i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
