Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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