my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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