I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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