Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
