I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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