based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i drank out of a bidet.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
