Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
