that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How's work?
Spinning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
