She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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