God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
