Soap is not a condiment
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize