she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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