I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
