I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
