You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
