question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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