I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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