Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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